Beds, Knobs and Room Tricks

Greetings, people. Well, turned up to Hammersmith Hospital
today with my not modest amount of luggage and equipment
and after a modicum of flapping, it transpires that “there
is no bed for me today” Apparently I was to wait
for a phone-call or call to check or something- I thought
it was all booked in but I guess such is the topsy-turvy
world of cancer treatment. No worries, I will move in
tomorrow *almost definitely*. The Hickman Line replacement
is set for 9am tomorrow (I wonder does it go in the same
vein or a different one? Will let y’all know). Not a
wasted visit, I had the-now-obligatory blood test and
the weigh-in. I am now 11.5 stone (74.9kg). Heavier than
pre-leukaemia! That proves my amazing scientific fact
of the day:


Yes, you heard it here first, folks! We can all accept
the Nobel Prize, together. (If the stage can support
the weight)

Burn, Baby, Burn!!!

Also today I had my pre-Radiotherapy talk and signed
the consent form to allow them to play Captain Picard
with me. Here are the possible and probable side-effects
of the 6 zappings:

  • Complete hair loss (I can now float in my bath and
    pretend I am a pre-cog in minority report)
  • Destroy Cancer cells Well that would be nice while
    I’m there .
  • Nausea Yes, I know.
  • Mucositis Hence the nose-tube for feedings. Idea for
    new cookery program called “Can’t Eat, Won’t Eat” where
    celebrity chefs create gastronomic delights that can
    fit in a 5mm tub
  • Fibrosis Bit worried about that one- I hope to enjoy
    a life of hiking & cycling etc. But I guess I need
    a life to start with…
  • Increased risk of cancer Bugger.
  • Infertility Yes, I know. Hence the little visit to
    the bank before Chemo started.

This machine costs


Cycle of Life

Just got back from the New Forest and am packing for
hospital tomorrow- not very effectively as it happens.
It’s hard to believe I will be away from home for a couple
of months! Feels like the last day of the school holiday.
Unfortunately, It’s impossible to call in sick!

It was great to get away, and we managed to cycle an
average of 8 miles a day. To begin with, I had absolutely
no energy and my lungs and legs would burn constantly.
But I managed to get into it by the third day. What makes
cycling so great? It’s peaceful, exciting and nostalgic-when
I get through this I will definitely do ALOT more. Not
to the level of Lance Armstrong, naturally: I am only
aiming to win the Tour De France once.

Will report back from Hammersmith Hospital- Here we
go! love, miltx

Blood, blood glory-less blood.

Another blood test today and… Platelets are up, haemoglobin
is slightly down and neutrophils have crashed to 0.8…well
I have to face it my blood system is just broken for
the time being. Oh well, will be getting a new one soon
enough! Amazing to think that my blood system will be
female from the 8th April. This will no doubt make me
more intelligent, sensitive, capable and attractive-
so look out!!! The doc decided to give me a GCSF injection.
(An injection in the arm that boosts the production of
blood cells) This should tide me over until Hammersmith
Hospital next Thursday. I am reading a vampire book at
the moment so rather obsessed by blood – all visitors
please leave your scarves at the door- I AM THIRSTY!

Had such a great time in the New Forest that I am returning
immediately – its the perfect retreat before my weeks
and weeks in a small ward being carefully poisoned by
trained professsionals.

My throat is almost completely better- thanks for your
concern- so I am talking again, much to the consternation
of those around me. Well just packing the car will update
later. The topics? My near-death experience, lucid-dreaming
and my life philosophy- be there or be…somewhere else.


Milt x

Yo! What's up, blood??

Had a blood test at Charing Cross and it seems that
at long last, my blood counts are starting to improve:
(Neutrophils: 2.2 (ok) Platelets 43 (low but better)
and Haemoglobin 9.1 (slightly anaemic but not too bad)
It seems that the workers in my bone-marrow have finally
finished their extended strike and are now grumpily resuming
their duties: “Ey op. It weren’t like this in my
day- all this cancer and artificial chemicals and the
like- I don’t know- I really don’t…” I am not
entirely sure why I am characterising a stem-cell as
a middle-aged yorkshireman- but there it is.

My throat is still drier than a non-alcoholic sandpaper
shop in the Sahara desert on a particularly dry day.
Fortunately, I have some semblance of an immunity now
as well as antibiotics, and both homeopathic and western
mouthwashes to prevent it blossoming into a dangerous
infection. Still painful when I talk or laugh or eat
but I now have painkillers and I am sure it will get
better soon. So all is cool. More later!

Yours in silence,

Milton 🙂

Forest for Rest

We are off to the New Forest (Beautiful area of South
England) tonight for a day or two. I love nature and
hiking and this will be a very welcome break before the
months in hospital. I have some forest walks planned
and will take some pics. I am off to pack: The bare essentials
plus a couple of books and a guitar. Hopefully will see
some fairies in the wood. (Little mythical creatures
not men with good dress sense and a thorough knowledge
of musicals)

Toodlepip and tally-ho!

Milton of Hampshire

Yo! What's up, blood??

8am Woke up with a sore throat again- waiting for the
Doc to call me back. Trace aka SuperTrace (Houston, TX)
has suggested liquid morphine. I like the sound of that.
Both the ‘liquid’ and, in particular, the ‘morphine’
part. More later, dear Miltoids.

11am Waiting to hear back from my doc at Charing Cross.
In the meantime Bridge and I treated ourselves to coffee
and croissants at the local Maison Blanc (French bakery)
And who walked in? None other than Will Young- well this
is Kensington, darling. Guess what? He ordered coffee
and croissants, just like a normal person. Bridge is
learning “Older Chests” by Damien Rice. Great
track, I love the pandiatonicism (static upper harmony
with moving bassline) and the way he sounds like he’s
about to break down in tears at any moment. Tune for
the day!

Yo! What's up, blood??

Yesterday, Bridge rushed me to hospital as I was feeling
very weak and had a sore throat. Of course this wouldn’t
have been hospital-worthy fodder if I wasnt being treated
for leukaemia. But with a neutrophil level of 0.5 an
infection can be very dangerous, so it’s advisable to
err on the side of caution.

Well I’m back at home today with prescribed antibiotics
to deal with any infection. Have a sharp, sore throat
and have very little energy. Am taking it very easy –
lying on a bed half-sleeping/half-reading with the sun
streaming in. Not so bad. If I find the energy I will
walk the London parks-I’d hate to waste the glorious
day! More later, my friends!

No, laughing matters!

Went for a walk though Holland Park and Kensington Gardens.
Weather is gorgeous and people were wandering around
with expressions of disbelief and joy. My throat is pretty
painful, so am not talking much. I have discovered that
it is most painful when I laugh. So I have spent the
whole day trying to see the un-funny side of things.
I am not very good at it. In fact, it hurts when I talk,
swallow or laugh- three of my favourite activities! Love,

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Typical, really. You may have noticed a lack of correspondence
with the fabulous Red Class recently. The reason? Well
one parent complained about the class communicating with
me via the guestbook saying that it was “promoting
chat-room behaviour” – so all communication wirh
me is forbidden by the Head. Hmmm…Now I understand
parents being protective of their children but this seems
to me irrationally paranoid. (Remember the good old pre-internet
days, when no child was subject to abuse? Er, no.)

What children (and some parents) need to learn is discernment:
good/bad, positive/negative, dangerous/safe and not a
complete rejection of a communication medium i.e. the
Internet. (Which they WILL be using very soon-is this
parent hoping their child will magically BYPASS the internet)
Is that parent worried that their 4-year old will go
out and buy a computer (cash or credit-card sir), arrange
the installation of broadband, handle the idosyncracies
of WinXP or MacOS X and fall into a den on paedophiles?
If they could do all that at age 4, they should be running
daddy’s business.

There is a difference between letting your child run
around in a playground while supervised and letting her
wander the streets of London alone. Let’s face it: a
responsible teacher relaying messages between a class-room
and some non-dangerous guy with cancer is very different
from a free rein of the internet.

This is just an irrational fear of a new medium. The
telephone may have paedophiles at the end of it-so you
SUPERVISE its use. The television may display inappropriate
images, so you SUPERVISE its use. So what’s the plan
with the internet and kids? SUPERVISION!

My suggestions for classroom subjects of the future
(parents welcome) to Milton’s triple-S course:

Self-Respect: Valuing oneself and others, common courtesy,
the ability to say ‘no’, dealing with bullying and abuse,
commnicating worries and fear etc.

Safety: Awareness of potential dangerous situations
and how to avoid them.

Social Science: How advertising works with self-esteem,
Addictions: sugar, caffeine, alcohol and other drugs)
Healthy eating (What is and isn’t real food) etc. etc.

Those courses would do much more to protect children
from a whole variety of abuse than some paranoid parents.
I wish I was taught them when I was a child (would have
prevented my abuse)

So now, Red Class no longer have Milt as a role-model,
and can return to their very safe and caring role-models:
Tony the Tiger, Coca-Cola, the latest film merchandising
attack, Ronald McDonald, professional wrestling…

Here’s to Red Class, may they (please) live full, fearless
and meaningful lives!!!