The Stuff of Dreams: Day -2Posted: 06/04/2005
Managed to get some sleep last night, despite a sore Hickman line site and yesterday’s lingering problems. Most of the dreams were rather nightmarish- Ancestral home with bodies in the basement, unwanted intruders, a shadow of evil draped over all affairs…
However, in the early morning I had a beautiful dream of pure lucidity: In the midst of a moment of danger in my dream, realizing my own consciousness, I floated from the scene and flew up into an incandescent night-sky. Flying with pure lucidity through a dreamscape is an undescribably ecstatic feeling. I have been practising lucid dreaming for 15 years now, the ability to ‘awake’ in one’s dreams, has been the greatest skill I have ever learnt and it is most welcome at this time. It allows me to both challenge the disease within me (using visualization), and transcend the fear and attachment of the material world.
I had my penultimate radiotherapy session this morning, and having made the ironic selection of the ‘Disco Classics’ CD from the hospital library, I enjoyed a 6m23s toasting on each side (while listening to “Disco Inferno”) I am on a 4-hour cyclosporin infusion at the moment and so far, no painful stomach cramps. Just a dull headache and the general cornucopia of medication that is now de rigeur. Feeling pretty groovy. Will report back after my LAST radiotherapy session this afternoon. Ciao for now.
Tick-tock: Day -2
Last Radiotherapy session done. Naturally, I was thinking “last one, last one” all the way through it so those 2 x 6-minute-23-second blasts seemed to take a lifetime. It reminded me how very flexible time is. I must be disciplined and not become too impatient during these final few weeks: “Me, Here, Now” and so forth.
In the future, they will discover the hormone that effects our sense of time, and help us manage our experiences through difficult, or enjoyable experiences. One pill will make it feel as time is zipping by: WYHF (“When You’re Having Fun”) Another pill can slow time down to a trickle: WYHC (“When You’re Having Chemo”) WYWTM(WLK) will be the most powerful drug, forcing time to screech to a dead stop. (“When You’re Watching This Morning with Lorraine Kelly“) Later, taters.