The Black Hole: Day + 70

Hello again. Thank you for your continuing support despite my distance from computers. Quick recap: I was readmitted to Hospital on the 14th June with suspected infection. I received the whole gamut of antibiotics that they had going(“What’s that?” “Dunno. just stick it in..”) and I had a vomitous, coughing uncomfortable 2-week stay. At which point there were less symptoms, they had run out of antibiotics anyway and I was sent home (2 days ago)

How am I? Physically: Very, very weak. Managing 1-mile a day walks. I feel like an empty shell.

Emotionally, this has been the worst time for me in the last seven months. It is as if when I am so close to a physical cure, the emotional thunderstorm hits me all at once. Basically, I am depressed. Weepy and depressed. Possible reasons:

Antibiotics are said to cause depression, and I’ve had my fill.

The months when I had to fight physically with positivity have caught up with me and its just a natural rebalance.

Reassessment of life is not easy: Same old problems and some new ones added.

I am reborn and this is the pain of birth.

Self-pity?

Just a physical setback that links with my mood that will ‘turn around’ once my hair is flowing Samson-like (One of Bridge’s theories)

What will I do?

Cry

Sleep

Eat

Walk in the park.

Talk to some important people to me.

Feel it. Sit with it. Live beyond it.

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