Milton’s Killjoy Cluedo Sheet – Beat & enrage your family & friends through logical deduction & unashamed nerdiness

Instructions For Use

1. Print out the note-sheet below. Make note of how many cards each individual is dealt in the lowest row. When each of these is shown to you. or deduced, write them next to each number. Much can be deduced from what items each player hunches throughout the game so keep this section updated.

2. Down the left hand-edge of the ‘Me’ column tick off the cards you hold to eliminate them from your search.

3. When you are shown a card, tick it off in the left hand column of that player and add it it to the lowest row.

4. When you show someone a card make a note in the right hand side of that player’s column in the relevant item row. Don’t show any more cards than you need to to each player, keep the punters guessing.

5. Occasionally you can deduce what cards other players hold – by when they are forced to show a card to a hunch – mark these in the appropriate cell of the table & lowest row. In which case..

6. …you can deduce what other players have *seen from other people’s hands*. Mark these as appropriate.

7. You may want to mark which cards other players DO NOT have (with a ‘o’) when a hunch sweeps through them. This will help fine-tune your hunches.

Advanced/Extra-nerdy tips (extra A4 required)

1. Make a note of every group of items that each player hunches. If you know the player holds 2 of the 3 items, you can assume that they don’t hold the third. Mark with a o? in the appropriate cell.

2. For each hunch called, quickly check against that same players precious hunches & current deduced hand. It may be possible to deduce what card they are hunting, and therefore don’t possess. If another player shows them a card, you know what the card is & who has it. If no-one shows them a card you know it is among the guilty.

3. Some of the above tips are definite, hardline logic. Others make some presumptions about others’ behaviour. Ineptitude, drunkenness & canny deception will add error bars to your sleuthing. Be aware of what you know – & what you are presuming. Your final accusation will have to balance these two based on your rivals’ progress.




I had my first solo baby-sitting experience the other day. Max was absolutely charming and hospitable when my sister was explaining the operational procedures. But AS SOON, as she stepped out of the door, Max treated me to a repeat of his lunch and recoloured my black T-shirt. (I’m also pretty sure his head made one full rotation before the vomiting) He spent the rest of the 3 hours making me panic about keeping him safe and happy- I had strange hunches that he was choking on some strange object, and kept checking his mouth at regular intervals. He seemed really upset about something but I just couldn’t discover the source of his sorrow. I did use up my entire repertoire of lullabies and even resorted to reworking the lyrics of some blondie classics. As soon as my sis got home, Max winked at me and then fell into a happy and peaceful sleep. Nice. As I was leaving he did give me a winning smile. So we’re cool.

Okay time to water the rubber plant, take care and look out for the next update…any second now…… milt 🙂

One More Small Thing…

My sister, and bone marrow donor, Alex is expecting a delivery this summer, a nephew for me to corrupt!!! Hurrah! She is doing fine and we are all excited and happy for her. I have uncontrollable twinges of pain connected to my infertility- but I only want to wish my sister and family all joy and good things for little Milton (or whatever they choose, although it has a ring to it…no?)

Much love, milt x

Hallo Spleen

Okay, okay, I know.

I keep promising that I’ll ‘write again soon’- I really mean it at the time, and then despite a gnawing guilt, it gets to about a month before I update. To be fair, I am usually at miltchat with my leuka community so I am very much Net-present, but I don’t like to see digital cobwebs here- particularly with my stats report telling me that this place still gets daily bona fide visits.

“What have I been up to?” I hear you earnestly inquire- (although, in fact you are rather quiet today). Well..

My 2 days a week ‘Research’ at the Royal Academy has overflowed, but its all good clean creative fun so I’m happy. I also have 3 jazz guitar pupils at the Royal College of Music, a real treat. I have a couple of commissions at the moment for my composition work- love it, more please. My PhD is progressing faster than I feel I deserve, I have even been given an estimated due date for completion(July 2008). Considering I started in Jan 2004 (with a full-time job) and then had the little matter of acute leukaemia and a bone-marrow transplant in the middle of it, I think this is pretty good going. Of course it will mean so much when the air-stewardess desperately calls for a doctor on board, and I treat the suffering man with a very therapeutic lecture on rhythmic analysis.

I have another EGO concert in the diary. 18th March 2007 at the Guildford Music Festival. My trio Rat Park will also be performing that week. If you come along I might even talk to you if I’m not too busy being hoisted up on the shoulders of the townsfolk and being paraded jubilantly around Ye Olde Guildford. (That was for my American friends)

Health-wise, my visits have dwindled to a 3-monthly trickle, where I discover that my blood counts are perfect (other than that pesky-never-above-12.5-HgB) I almost forget how ill I was. Almost. So I do my best to look after myself, don’t drink, don’t smoke & now crack cocaine only on weekends (Ho-ho) I even gave up cappuccino (seriously) in a fit of masochistic bravado. I do a weight-training program 3 days a week, and cycle, run, or go for a long stridey walk. I eat the right things to, apart from the other night when Bridget and I had an utterly deborturous (can’t spell that one) KFC attack. The guilt is yet to pass but oh, heavenly temptations…

I seem to live a life of to-do lists. Okay 3 hours till that, I can do this, this and that. Although I never quite feel that I’m actually doing anything, always just about to. Maybe I need to improve my ‘Me-Here-Now’ thing as Bridget would wisely advise. Speaking of Bridget, she continues to do wonderful things, while thinking she is doing nothing, she is in a new all-girl Blues-Rock band (details to follow) and has become some what of a lovey hanging out with all sorts of celebs. She also ‘desperately needed’ a pair of very expensive sexy black boots from Russell & Bromley a couple of weeks ago, although I note they are still in the box- so emergency averted, I guess. But yes, she is very cool.

Monkey is quite clingy at the moment and if I am too self-absorbed to give him the attention he deserves he has thaken to a) Standing on my open laptop b) Emitting a haunting elongated whiney noise c) Standing on our favourite clothes or an important document and doing a cat impersonation of Michael Jackson’s ‘Moonwalk’ move from the Billie Jean performance at the Motown award ceremony.

Well there was some quantity (in the absence of wit and profundity) So I’ll leave you there. I promise I’ll update really soon. Ahem.

As an added bonus for reading all this, I will treat you to a work of genius (I sometimes use the word lightly)

Courtesy of a chap called Jeff Brechlin, this is the Hokey Pokey as it would have sounded in the work of Shakespeare…. Take care and oh, it’s halloween so I’m gonna dress up like Derek Acorah from ‘Most Haunted’ and pretend to be possessed with a scouse accent. Just like he does. Milt xxx

O proud left foot, that ventures quick within

Then soon upon a backward journey lithe.

Anon, once more the gesture, then begin:

Command sinistral pedestal to writhe.

Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke,

A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl.

To spin! A wilde release from Heavens yoke.

Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl.

The Hoke, the poke — banish now thy doubt

Verily, I say, ’tis what it’s all about.

— by “William Shakespeare”

Careering, of course…: Day 419

Gig last night in the lovely PictureDrome, Northampton (An old-style cinema converted into a plush music/comedy/film venue. It was just Bridget and I (2 guitars & voice) playing Jazz, Blues ballady stuff. It was a nice venue but people just talked loudly through the whole set, which is slightly depressing. I also got to sit in with the next act, an acoustic guitar duo (Graham Roberts/Geoff Tooley) for some Jazz/Latin instrumentals. Good fun. It always strikes me that careers such as music must have the worst length of study to income return ratio of any undertaking. Lawyers need a degree and a few years before earning loads of money at the bar (and presumably spending it in the bar also). 8 years total? A doctor’s training- 10 years before they can hack at you and not giggle at the word ‘penis’? Now consider that most of my STUDENTS at the Royal Academy and Royal College have been training for a minimum of 10 years- My musical peers have been training for 15 years to 40+ years. And by training I mean BOTH Academic and Practical and usually not confined to term-times- we are talking a DAILY grind here. (Many of my musical friends feel lazy if they don’t practise every day) Are musicians paid proportionately for their work? Er no- I know some tremendously talented and dedicated musicians who in their forties are still struggling to pay rent, let alone own their own houses. Some of the most intelligent, creative, talented and inspirational people I know earn about the same as a Tesco cashier. Last night Bridget & I, drove over 2 hours to be largely ignored for